There have been times when, in my moments of darkness, I have shared my raw, honest feelings about mothering special needs children and they have come back to bite me in the ass. I had the conversation with the wrong person.
The person in question manifests that they are indeed the wrong person when he/she responds with a blank stare, waves away your feelings and tells you not to feel that way, or blatantly judges you. Unfortunately, sometimes the wrong person is rather close to you; your significant other, your mom, and yes, other special needs parents. That is probably why you chose them, because they were literally close by and you needed to talk to someone, anyone.
You have to find people that can handle your honesty. I remember being in church and people telling me; “wow, you are so patient, so good with your kids”, “you’re a saint.” If they only knew how I sometimes felt inside, that I sometimes questioned my decision to have children, that I sometimes felt I caved into pressure to have a second child when I was totally content with one, that I often wondered if I should have had children at all.
I have wondered what my life would have been like without kids, or without Dan. These are real, raw, honest feelings that need to be voiced. When you have these feelings, you are in the moment. Your feelings aren’t you, you are reacting to a situation and you say the weirdest things. You need people around you that can ride you through these moments and see you to the other side.
I thank God for my sisters. We are at a point in our lives where I can tell them anything and know that I will get nothing but love in return.
But if you don’t have biological sisters you can talk to, there are sisters out there that can handle your honesty. I promise you! Keep looking until you find them.
Girl Reconstructed 