People Need to See You without the Kids

WITHOUT THE KIDS CANVA

Believe me, I know how hard it is to go anywhere without the kids! You don’t have to tell me how difficult it is to find babysitting for two special needs children. But people need to see you without your kids once in a while. You will forever be the poster child for autism if you don’t.

One place that we regularly go to as a family is church. During the service, Dan crawls all over me as I try to prevent Micah’s tantrums. By the time I get home, the day is a blur; I don’t know what the pastor preached about and could not have one conversation after the service, if anyone dared come near me at all.

If anyone does approach me at church it’s usually to tell me about a movie they saw about autism, or that they have a friend whose son/daughter just got diagnosed and ask whether I have any advice for them. Then there are the times when well-meaning parishioners gain a wee bit of knowledge about autism and begin to dole out chunks of advice, book recommendations, and places I should go to help the kids. I used to blame them but then it hit me; why wouldn’t they talk to me about autism? It’s all they see when they see me dealing with my kids and their antics! I had inadvertently become a walking poster mom for the cause with my kids in tow.

If people see you all the time with your kids as they act up and crawl all over you, that is the image they have of you and that is all they will see, and most likely, all they will talk to you about. They can’t see the full view of who you are with the kids in the way!

I realized that this needed to change and told my hubby I had to go to church at least twice a month without the kids. It worked. At first glance, people asked me where the kids were but after that was taken care of, they commented on how great I looked in my outfit, how good my hair looked, inquired about my fashion business, aspects of my life that were not kid related. It was amazing. People saw ME for the first time in a long time. You need that and people need that. People WANT to see you.

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* This was written five years ago but I felt it was valid to leave as is and not update. Since then, we have moved to a new church where, after facing chalIenges, we have found a way to attend church, consistently, as a family.

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